So I was watching the Brewers on TV last night, and Suppan gives up a dinger right around 7:00 p.m. Since I thought I knew where that game was going (remember Sup vs. the Cubs last week?), I flipped over to Fox News to catch "The Factor", but it was yet another Dem primary night. I guess Fox has a journalistic duty to cover the Dems, but I, however, have no "blogalistic duty" to watch it.
As it looked like the tube was not happening for me this evening, I went outside to check on how the boys were doing with finishing up the yard work (not great, but not bad). Then I figured I'd best head downstairs to see what my youngest was doing. And she was watching "American Idol".
Hey, if I was an 8-year-old girl, I'd probably be watching "American Idol" too. But my first thought (and spoken question) was "Kaitlin, is your homework done?" (It was - she's good about that). My next thought was "how can this show still be on?"
OK Ok ok, yeah I watched this show during the first season. I missed the first few weeks and only saw it from the "Hollyweird" portion where they thinned the field down to the finalists. And then I saw every single elimination week afterwards. (Yep, it's true, I was into the show). It annoyed me to no end that the spiky-haired girl made it to the final three, but sometimes the voting public makes mistakes. (Stumbled upon a classic set-up line there, didn't I? Hmmm... 1992? 1996? ... lol!).
Anyways, I tuned in for the start of season two. The so-bad-they're-good auditions, etc. and so forth. But they futzed with the format a bit with the finalists, and again I found someone on the show that annoyed me to no end: that peroxide blonde cheerleader from Texas. (If you look up "FAKE" in a recent illustrated dictionary and it doesn't have her picture next to it, return said dictionary to place of purchase for a full refund!). I only flipped by the show now and then afterwards. Season three rolled around, and I was done with it.
Despite MY lack of viewership, this show is a ratings monster. Yet surprisingly I've seen headlines over the last few months about a possible "re-tooling" of the show. Well, I just might have some thoughts on that. A few common sense, a few "controversial", and a few so crazy they just might work. All in all, they just might win me back as a viewer.
THE JUDGES:
1) Simon Cowell - stays. It's your show, and you dish up much needed bowls of blunt truth to these kids. Don't go changin'! Pros: His record speaks for itself. Cons: Might "mellow" with age. But I doubt it.
2) Paula Abdul - gone. You see the good in everything, even the most craptacular display of "I don't know how I got this far so I'll fake it and hope for the best!". There may be a career in public education in your future (especially if you get in with the WEAC). Replacement suggestion: Mariah Carey. Pros: Might actually give constructive criticism (sometimes the truth hurts, but you can always learn from it). Cons: Might join the singers on stage and start our dog on a rampage with her high register overtones.
3) Randy Jackson - gone. Dog, you are a successful producer and session musician, dog. Stop saying "dog", dog! Replacement suggestion: Little Richard. Pros: He's Little Richard. Cons: Absolutely none.
THE "ARTIST IN RESIDENCE":
I don't know which season they started this, but "American Idol" started having an artist-of-the-week or whatever, and the finalists performed said artist's songs. Here's some suggestions for future "artist's in residence" (or whatever they call it):
1) The Ramones (which would have helped last night's Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame theme!). Pros: You can't imitate or reinterpret the Ramones, so all performances will be at best "so-bad-they're-good" or just plain awful. And there is entertainment value either way. Also the wives and families of Johnny, Dee Dee, and Joey could probably use the performance royalties. Cons: Tommy won't appear on the show, though Marky and C. J. will. And Marky and C. J. will "play nice" with the contestants. So I guess Paula's spirit lives on - but just for that one week.
2) Iron Maiden. Pros: We'll see what vocal chops ya got now! And Bruce Dickinson's critiques will make Simon look like - well, you can't "out-Simon" Simon can you? Or CAN you? Cons: Since they let the contestants choose the songs to perform, there is the chance you'll hear something off of "The X Factor" or "Virtual XI". Ugh...
3) Alanis Morisette. Pros: Seems like a natural, with teen pop-stardom followed by critical and commercial success. She's got chops and has written some good songs. Cons: The song "Hand In My Pocket". If there is music in H - E - double hockey sticks, this song is on a continuous loop.
THE CONTESTANTS:
Don't change a thing. You'll be given a short leash, and when you stumble you'll hear about it. Those that place high may do well. The rest of the finalists might get one or two tries from a record company trying to make a quick buck. If not, you might get a shot on another reality show. Or you could get some cruise ship gigs. (The missus does like her cruises, so expect at least one autograph hound...)
