There are some tricks adults use in their speaking styles that would benefit kids if they got really good at it. This sort of self-Socratic questionanswer is one that is not only clever, but strategic. It’s a way to take the power of the question away from the questioner.
Does it bother me to lose the zing of the gottcha question? No. Is it some sort of power trip I’m on that makes me detest this style of speech? No. Is conversation controlled by the person who uses that trick on you? Of course.
Now listen kids, anticipate the question you think you’re going to be asked. Ask it of yourself and then answer yes or no. Ask another one or two so as to break down the interviewer or parent. For example: You don’t do your homework. When you are approached by your mother you look her in the eye, lean forward a bit, maybe even open both palms to sky when you grill, “Do I like feeling irresponsible and immature? No. Do I plan to forget to do my homework so I can stay in at recess and do it? No. But am I gonna do it before the end of the year? Of course!”
Here’s the haikuian formula.
Ask a question, then say yes or no depending on what you know they want to hear.
Ask another question, then say yes or no again.
Ask a third question, but add the word “But” to the end.
Then ask what will be your last question, which in reality tells the questioner the answer to what they wanted to hear all along. Punctuate with a brisk, “Of course!”, or “Of course not!” to further emphasize that you are not an idiot.
Here‘s one for you teenagers:
Did I plan to bring the car home late? No
Did I know about the flat rear driver‘s side tire? No
But do I think you’re going to let me take it to the mall after school any time soon? Of course not.
This can be adapted for little kids, as well. Gather ‘round, children:
Did I plan to play on the tire swing until I threw up? No
Do I enjoy sitting in the nurse’s office with vomit in my hair?
But will I ever spin myself around on the tire swing again as long as I live? Of COURSE not!
Be aware of this kind of conversational taffy-pull when yours is the only point you want made.
Did I mean to beat this point into the ground?
No.
Is this important to anything happening anywhere?
No.
But do I feel oddly better, having gotten this out of my system?
Of course!
