Okay, we need to rethink children’s awards ceremonies. They’re messing up kids’ notions of what constitutes entitlement. After three decades of these things, it’s time to speak out.
1. Awards ceremonies shouldn’t start until middle school. Before that, kids just love learning new things and doing stuff to please parents and teachers. We actually do a disservice when we break the news to kids for the first time that there is definition to what they have to do to be extra special.
2. Awards shouldn’t be given for one shot deals unless the word “meet” comes after it.
3. Awards shouldn’t be denied people for stuff they just naturally suck at but other people can do. These might include awards for singing, curling your tongue, floating or belching the alphabet.
4. Awards shouldn’t be given to children who were forced to do the thing they get the award for. These are called assignments. If we're going to award kids who only participated because they had to, the award should be called the “Compliance Award” and children should be forced to come up and get it.
5. Awards should not be given to kids whose parents did all the work. Sorry kids, but you just have to get better at telling your parents to keep their hands off your projects. Do it sensitively because they mean well; they don't realize that they are totally screwing things up for you.
6. Awards should not be given for attendance or promptness. Especially in elementary school, children have no control over when their parents get going, shovel out the driveway or get lunches made and handed out. They can’t help it if the car breaks down or they get hives, the measles or lice. I’m not sure who should get awards for attendance except Lady Luck, maybe. That one I just don’t get.
7. Lastly, awards should be taken away right after they are handed out so the experience is lifelike. We should all remember that success is a temporary state, superiority is in the mind of the beholder, and when “the extra mile” is defined it no longer exists.
Oh, and losers…I know you’re constantly told that if you work hard, you too will get an award someday. That’s not really true.
So what.
