So kids, what have we learned so far about how to become the president? Hillary says she has learned that if you want something done right, do it yourself. Always wear black pants and no one will notice after awhile and be yourself, unless of course that’s not working. She adds that even though she knows every issue inside and out, the smartest kid in the class doesn’t always get to go to prom. What’s that? She says she’s figured out that you can’t step into the same river twice. The Changemobile has no reverse.
Barack says he’s learned that the hypothalamus reacts pretty well to the word hope when followed by a rousing chorus of, Yes we can!“ He understands now that the political machine runs on gas and hot air. He warns that the high road can be the road to nowhere if you’re not armed and ready. He jokes that he should have paid more attention in Spanish class. California nods.
John tells us the lesson he’s learning is that poor people may not have a car or the time to vote in primary elections no matter how much they may like him. He says he is still motivated to speak for others as long as he breathes or until he becomes attorney general. He loves it when the other two argue because it makes people forget about his haircut and actually take him seriously when he admonishes them and takes away their allowance for a week.
Mitt teaches that if you take off your jacket and roll up your white sleeves it doesn’t seem like a stiff white shirt anymore. It brings him down to our level and the little people fall for it every time. He says if you look at the world like one big Olympic Village, the job is more manageable if you don’t count immigration, the war, the environment and healthcare. He knows that people will overlook his Mormonism. What an optimist. He has high hopes that Liz Cheney will add a much needed lift to his campaign although he admits it’s a relief she’s not the lesbian one.
John says you are all his friends, and with due respect he asks your permission to give you some straight talk. He thanks you for your support and hopes he gets your vote. He promises to try to control his temper although he sure as hell is going to speak up if he doesn’t agree with what the wrong people say. He has learned that the better his wife looks, the cooler he looks. He says the bus isn’t so bad as long as you have a friend like Joe Lieberman with you.
Rudy and Mike didn’t feel like interviewing for this blog. They said they are busy trying to pick up the shattered pieces of their campaigns and figuring out how to bow out with a little bit of face left to shave.
Good luck on the trail, folks. We’ll see you next Tuesday.
