Now that the weather is finally getting warm, it is time to prepare for the seasonal unpleasant site of men over 40 walking around places like State Fair, Summerfest, Falls Fest, and yes, even the Smithsonian Sculpture Gardens in D.C. without a shirt. Many of these guys are in their 60s with tattoos as faded as the south side of my house.

Do they ever get lucky? I don’t know, or care, but they scare my kids, and me too, a little bit. Anyone with that much poor judgment is likely to do worse things.

We +40 men all consider ourselves buff beyond belief, but some of us have a little voice inside our heads whispering that the women and young girls looking at us are actually comparing us to Jabba the Hut instead of plotting how to get us to drive their Lamborghini back to their penthouse. Another clue, the gagging sound they are making between fits of laughter.

For those of you who are King of your castle here is a simple rule for men who want to do the right thing. The 40-Yard Rule: “No man over 40 will cross the border of his property without a shirt. Simple and effective. If you want to mow your lawn, sit on your porch, work on your car, go for it. Otherwise, do not cross that border except to help your neighbor. Then return promptly to your own property. Exceptions: If you go to a pool, beach or other swimming area.