A Tosa resident since 1991, Christine walks the dog, raises kids, cooks but avoids housework, writes and reads, and works too much. A Quaker and
, she has been known to stand on both sides of the political and philosophic fence at the same time, which is very uncomfortable when you think about it. She writes about pretty much whatever stops in to visit her busy mind at the moment. One reader described her as "incredibly opinionated but not judgmental." That sounds like a good thing to strive for!
This entry is not for people who get Mother’s Day right.
It’s for those, like me, who have to learn the secret, unwritten rules the hard way.
Let me explain: I’m not like my mom and my sister, people who were born knowing the rules. My mom is like the greeting card Mother’s Day moms, unless she’s experimenting with a little obsession, like California Closets or funeral planning—her own.
I’m more like a man: clueless. If you want me to know or do something, you have to hit me over the head with a 2X4 and tell me what I should know or what you want me to do. Given a week, I probably couldn’t guess right.
So here, revealed for the first time, are the rules.
1. Unless you are a mom in the oldest generation in your family, or a brand new mom (don’t get used to it), do not think that Mother’s Day is about you. It’s about your mom or her mom. Suck it up and be gracious.
2. Even if you never do it any other day of the year, put the toilet seat down, pick up your towels, put the cap on the toothpaste, and rinse your plates.
3. Don’t cheap out on Mother’s Day even if Mom tells you to. A little quid pro quo is in order here. For those of you who forgot to take high school Latin, that means remember all she's done for you and feel ashamed and/or grateful.
4. If your mother asks for a drill, get her a high quality drill—not a cheap one that won’t make a dent in the impervious plaster used on houses built in the 50s. And don’t get her a cappuccino maker instead. Both might be okay. . .
5. When the jewelers tell you all moms want jewelry, remember they have a certain vested interest. Some moms want flowers, a bit of your time, art, cookie sheets, subscriptions to the New York Times, a retreat—alone. And the ones who want jewelry probably don’t want the jewelry you’d pick. I’m sorry, but it’s true. If she wears one-of-a-kind artist-made jewelery, forget about the Journey™ of diamonds or the little grandchildren stick figures with semi-precious stones for heads.
6. Moms, don’t be Momzilla. The whole point of being a mother is getting over yourself and into someone else. So get over yourself. Be a good sport. Have actual fun. You may not sigh and look disappointed yet brave. You may not practice guilting by martyrdom. You may not insist on doing the dishes and resenting it.
7. Do not neglect your wife in favor of your mother. If you plan to be outrageously attentive to your mother, explain to your wife what you are doing and make it up to her. Quickly.
8. Children, this is a day for face time. If you don’t know what that means, ask your dad. He may remember.
