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I've been busy wondering if God is done with me yet. Seriously. I am not a believer in karmic payback or good/bad luck, but haven't you had one of those days/weeks/months where it seems like the forces of the universe have just decided to conspire against you? In addition to dealing with the loss of my mom, I found out recently that I need to have major surgery. Also, in the last two months, I've caught two respiratory viruses, suffered a yeast infection from taking antibiotics, and been diagnosed with acid reflux, supposedly the cause of a persistent cough that I've had since the beginning of September. Then, if all that was not enough, my doctor told me that I had to cut out caffeine because that could be a cause of the reflux. That means no coffee. (NO COFFEE!!!!) The reflux pamphlet also said that I should avoid soda (NO SODA!!!!) and spicy foods (!!!!!). So, I guess I'm going to be leading a somewhat healthier lifestyle for the future, even if I no longer derive pleasure from simple acts like eating and drinking. So, I've been wallowing - and I've decided that's okay - for now.
What is "wallowing"? One of my best friends, GH, and I have used this term when feeling sad or when feeling sorry for oneself. It's usually of short duration and certainly not to be confused with depression. In fact, if I wallow too long, GH will tell me to snap the hell out of it. (Everyone needs a friend like this.) Sometimes, I think wallowing is just stepping back - just because you need a breather. That's what I've been doing.
The value of wallowing is not to be underestimated. You just need to know when to stop. So, when life gives you the one-two punch, go ahead eat that chocolate, cry if you want to, read your trashy, romance novels or play your video games, or watch tv for hours in your pajamas. But know that when you stay up, on a Saturday night no less, to watch Dirty Dancing II: Havana Nights and find yourself enjoying it, the wallowing has to stop.
So, I'm in "wallow recovery," following my own 3-step plan:
1. Take Care of Business. This is basically what I've been doing, when I'm not watching Havana Nights, anyway. I take care of my husband and daughter. I help my Dad manage his finances. I take the medicine I need to take and try, the operative word being try, to cut back on the caffeine. It's kind of like that old song - you gotta pick yourself up; brush yourself off; and start all over again.
2. Take Care of Myself. This means all the usual things. Get enough rest. Try and eat right. But more importantly, it means buy a new bag. If you knew me, you would know that I'm pretty hard on the purse I carry. I don't indulge in buying "nicer" bags, but this year for my anniversary, I asked my husband for a "nice" bag. Yes, the bag is frivolous, in the sense that something a little less nice would have sufficed. But it's beautiful, and it gives me a little kick of pleasure when I run my hand over the suede. So, as you're doing step #1, remember that the occasional bout of frivolity and indulgence is good for your soul.
3. Remind myself that better days are ahead.
That last step is the hard one, but you just keep reminding yourself, take a deep breath, and plow through till you hit one of those better days.
So, I'm just plowing through right now, but I've got a great bag slung over my shoulder as I'm doing it.
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