A funny thing I've noticed lately amongst me and my neighbors - we have a tendency to fault ourselves for not being "shrewder negotiators" when it comes time to haggle, negotiate, work out a deal, or generally get somethin' that's better than average. We muddle through, find out what we can, get the job done, and try to move on without too much remorse. I have a big problem with it. I give my mom total grief if someone does her an bad turn but It's really me, I feel insufficient, I have it so bad I can't concetrate right now.
And yes, I'm still talking about that ding in my car. But it extends to such a life outlook, what I used to use in every German paper in college - Weltanschauung. As an aside, I think the fancy people doubt themselves a lot less. I decided on a middle-road solution to the ding. They are going to pay me $400 towards my $670 quote to fix it. I feel like karmically, that is fair. Granted, dings happen all the time, and people aren't really, truly expected to write a note and put it under the windshield (though I have to admit, I would (which is why I will never be on "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous")) Some responders to my query post told me to just Let It Go. Then again, I was sitting in the car when boy WHAMMED open his SUV door and whaled into the car so hard it made a kind of bullet hole in the door, plus I saw him, so that can't just be "let go" in my book. Then I talked to the wife, who really was one of those bad, mean girls who read me the riot act and I don't think realized that I have her full information and given the way this life seems to work, indeed I will see her again. I think if I dug a shallow internet hole I'd find enough evidence that this is her standard operating procedure. Anyway, I'm sure I'll see her again, though of course, I'm sure in some capacity like she's trying to push a cart past me while I'm digging in the back of the stroller for a wipe like an oversized mother duck hunting for lunch in the water, but nevertheless, paths cross. I consider karma important, even though it seems diametrically opposed to "payment in full," so I thought well, I would like to have a fair and just moral ground from which to approach these people again (ok, in my book I have the moral HIGH ground here, which doesn't make me any less generous or good..) So they are paying me $400 on a $670 quote. The funny thing is, though, I did my research on them after I took less than the full amount, and realized they had enough cash at hand to give $8,000 to the Bush campaign in '04...they could afford to fix young Butler's (*not his real name) dent. But I digress. I was talking about how being a good person makes you eat your own hand off for not being more avidly in pursuit of gain.
My next door neighbor is a nice older man with Alzheimer's setting in. I know his wife deals with it more than any of us do - to me he's affable enough (except when talking about errant trees that "all need to be removed" because of their "behavior" or discussing our property line, which we share, which makes my generally super calm husband hopping mad). He was a lifelong schoolteacher and sings Helen that song that starts out HEL-en I love to see your FEET-ures and etc etc though I can never remember it even though I consciously think to myself while he's singing, cutting through generations and people and history with his clear and unwavering song. I think sometimes I should go over and record him singing it and make her a movie of it, but I have class tonight, for instance, and about 10 chapters of reading and and and. It's never the right time. Anyone heard of that song? I'm searching for it... Anyway, he totalled his old Volvo station wagon the other day, rearended on the freeway by a truck with a giant boom hanging off the front. Went right through his back windshield crushing the back of the car. Luckily he was driving alone. He said he figured that was that, but it wasn't. Unfortunately, as he is beating himself up now about the insurance, they only got market value for the totalled Volvo, about $1500. Well, it ran quite well, always started. He'd just put $1,000 in it for new battery, tires, other things. The insurance doesn't cover the having of a working and well-maintained vehicle. It doesn't cover getting smushed on the freeway. When he tells the story his shoulders fall and he doesn't sing and his eyes well up and he is sad and angry at himself for "not being a better negotiator." There are so many things like that. I think everyone does it with mortgage rates. "Whadja get?" and they're waiting, WAITING to tell you theirs, hahahahaha. Even having work done on a house..."Who'dja Use? WHAdja Pay?" it's all about the talents of making someone work on your granite countertops for slightly less than everyone else. Why? So we can feel just a little bit bad I think.
So I do believe that other people don't sweat things like that so much. I believe I have friends in higher places whom I know because I donate art (again, could I beat myself up more about that too? Why am I donating art 
when I need to be shoeing the children
, selling art, and making the money to pay the mortgage...? )Because I can, and I believe that the art would raise much more money than the cash I could give, and the placement of my work in the marketplace at this moment is fetching exactly what it is worth and not much less. If that were so, I'd reconsider I guess. But again, at the end of the day, it's a karma thing. AND a way to keep myself preoccupied and not succeed perhaps. Who knows. At least my work gets to be belle of the ball. Maybe I can't be out there on the dance floor, but part of me can be Cinderella while the rest plays Ants in the Pants with a beat-up cardboard fireman dog stuck in plastic with my dear son who likes to make up rules and wear his pants over his pj bottoms.
Interesting Green Quote of the Day: Did you know that more than 10 per cent of household electricity in this country is used keeping appliances like TVs and video players on standby?” (Ian Lowe) I should go up and put everything on surge protectors so I can go around and shut things OFF. My whole house is on standby, and occasionally I fly onto the computer(s), print out everything for class and race out the door. Still, don't need to carve a hole in the planet for that. I could turn it on first I s'pose. Guess that would be doing the right thing.
