I know, I know…I haven’t written a blog in a very long time- and I apologize.

However, I am not to blame for the lack of blogging this time around.

It’s the President’s fault. He sent me one of those economic stimulus checks the other day, suggesting that I spend it on whatever I wanted in hopes of giving the United States economy a little shot in arm.

Well folks, as of this morning, I fulfilled my duty to this fine country.

I am expecting the U.S. economy should rebound any minute now.

I started my stimulus right here in the great city of Waukesha. I mean really, why not give back to my own city first.

And for my very first economic stimulus venture, I paid my tab at Sprizzo Café.

Next, I was off to DadyOh’s for breakfast, then on to the Little Swiss Clock Shop for a quick watch band repair, down to Krumrich Jewelers for a necklace repair, and over to the new Allo Chcocolate to pick up snacks for later.

Stimulus was definitely in full swing.

Next, I headed to Rochester Deli for lunch, followed by a stop at Divino Gelato for dessert.

I popped my head into The Black Dragon for a tattoo consultation, and finished my stimulus with a latte from the Steaming Cup.

And with my Downtown stimulus complete, I headed for home.

Later, I had the urge to stimulus again, so, after class, I snuck down to Neighbors Social Club for a Peroni, then over to the Nice Ash for a Hacker Pschorr, and concluded my stimulus with a pint of Franziskaner at The House of Guinness.

I hope tips were supposed to come out of my economic stimulus as well.

But a day in downtown Waukesha hardly put a dent in my stimulus, and it really just wet my whistle for more stimulus. After all, the President of the United States of America did give me a job to do, and I wasn’t about to let him down!

As I stared at the left over stimulus dollars sitting in front of me, an idea of great magnitude filled my brain with a rush and sent a trickle of sweat down my forehead.

I was going to stimulate the ever loving goodness out of our economy-

And I was going to do it in Las Vegas.

Mr. Bush, if you are reading this, I just want you to know that if they are going to give out purple hearts to those almost killed in action while spending their stimulus checks, I will be waiting for mine in the mail.

And so will the blonde girl with the big sunglasses, wearing the “spring break 2008” t-shirt, and holding an almost empty “mug-o-rita” glass in her hand, sitting at the craps table that I strolled by on the way to the pool of the Tropicana Hotel while in Vegas.

Her last words (in a cute Georgia accent) as she rolled the dice- “c’mon stimulus, momma needs a new Cadillac for college.”

Judging from the reaction to her dice roll, looks like “momma” is taking the bus to college this year.

And after a long and late flight home, I woke up this morning, turned on the news, and expected Mr. Bush to announce that everything was going to be O.K. in America again.

However, that is not what I heard.

I heard the price of gas was going to be at $5 by summer’s end. I heard that the foreclosure market is doing fabulous. I heard that the Iraq war was still going strong, SUVs are losing their value, and that more U.S. auto workers were going to be out of work soon.

There was more, but I tuned it out. I figured I had heard enough.

I ate breakfast at home this morning and took my last 50 cents of stimulus down to the corner for a newspaper.

The machine took my money, but wouldn’t open.

Hey Mr. Bush, can I borrow 50 cents?