I've always been infatuated with tornadoes. I watch T.V. shows about them, I love watching news clips about them, I constantly dream about them, and I truly believe that one will actually hit me someday. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid of tornadoes; in fact, I look forward to the day I actually get to see one coming at me.

But herein lies a problem. The property where I live is heavily wooded, and any good view of the western sky is pretty much blocked by trees. If a tornado were coming straight at me, I likely wouldn’t see it until it was right on top of the house. On top of that, active railroad tracks run adjacent to my property. We’ve all seen countless video clips of the guy from the trailer park recently hit by a tornado that exclaims, “I was just standin’ there drinkin’ my beer, whens I heard what I thought was a freight train a comin’ right through my dang kitchen!” Fact is, I hear freight trains coming right through my kitchen 24 hours a day! As I stood on my porch this past weekend, mesmerized by the awesome storms that were rolling through, at least three different trains went by during the peak of the storm. So you can just picture me dropping my beer, running into the house like an idiot yelling, “hit the basement!” only to realize it was just another train going by.

All my life, there have been certain things I just knew were going to happen, and eventually they did. I’m certain my house will be hit by a tornado someday, and I really hope I’m there to witness it when it happens. And I certainly hope that when a tornado really does come, I don’t do something stupid like stand on my porch and say, “Oh, don’t worry about that noise, it’s just a train”.

G’Night G’Town!

Lolita: Hi, I'm Lolita, and this is Tanqueray.
Tanqueray: Since we're all about to die, we were wondering if you guys'd like to be our last boyfriends on earth?
Beavis: Tornadoes are cool, they can drive matches through a 2x4.
Butt-head: Yeah, a tornado can smash a poodle's face with a brick.
Beavis: They can suck a heart out of a man's chest and show it to him before he dies. Tornadoes are cool.